Neddy finally speaks out about his dramatic weight loss.

Believe it or not, this was once me. A mere 300 years ago, I was 575 kilos, which is roughly 4,900 lbs. To put it in perspective, the man i am wrestling in this artists rendition, is 6'3" and about 220 lbs. So you likely find yourself wondering, "Neddy, how in Gods name, did you find a sumo diaper, that would fit you?" Well, that's not what's important here. The important thing here, is that in only 109,500 days, i lost 4,815 lbs to become the svelt 85lb. midget you see before you today. And now I am finally going to reveal how i did it.

The first and most important thing you need to do is pick up smoking. I cannot stress this enough. It will give your hands something to do that isn't reaching for food. it will also increase your heartrate and metabolism. The next step is to stop all excersise. Excersising makes your body require food, if you try to excersise without food in your body you will pass out. What you need to do is,try to do as little as possible. That way what ever food you do eat cannot be used by your body, and will just go right to the waste depot. The third step is blood letting. That's pretty self explanatory i think, the less blood you have the less work your heart has to do. And the fourth and final step to losing nearly 5k lbs in 36,000 months, in eat healthy. Earthworms, and crickets for protein, grass for vitamin b12 and niacin. Find things in nature that provide the sustinance you need. That's what "organic" is all about. And remember, weight loss takes time, keep your chins up!