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Umm, i think t.he title says it all

Neddy finally speaks out about his dramatic weight loss.

Believe it or not, this was once me. A mere 300 years ago, I was 575 kilos, which is roughly 4,900 lbs. To put it in perspective, the man i am wrestling in this artists rendition, is 6'3" and about 220 lbs. So you likely find yourself wondering, "Neddy, how in Gods name, did you find a sumo diaper, that would fit you?" Well, that's not what's important here. The important thing here, is that in only 109,500 days, i lost 4,815 lbs to become the svelt 85lb. midget you see before you today. And now I am finally going to reveal how i did it.

The first and most important thing you need to do is pick up smoking. I cannot stress this enough. It will give your hands something to do that isn't reaching for food. it will also increase your heartrate and metabolism. The next step is to stop all excersise. Excersising makes your body require food, if you try to excersise without food in your body you will pass out. What you need to do is,try to do as little as possible. That way what ever food you do eat cannot be used by your body, and will just go right to the waste depot. The third step is blood letting. That's pretty self explanatory i think, the less blood you have the less work your heart has to do. And the fourth and final step to losing nearly 5k lbs in 36,000 months, in eat healthy. Earthworms, and crickets for protein, grass for vitamin b12 and niacin. Find things in nature that provide the sustinance you need. That's what "organic" is all about. And remember, weight loss takes time, keep your chins up!

5 Reasons Your Cat Should Be An Indoor Cat.

Two weeks ago, I was on a deliver for work. On the side of the road, next to the curb I saw an orange and white striped cat. It had been hit by a car. I pulled over and checked on the cat, but unfortunately it was dead. There was no collar on it, and no way for me to tell the owners what had happened. The next week 2 young boys came into my work, asking if they could hang a picture up of their lost kitty. The boys were probably 7, and 9 if i had to guess. I took the flyer and of course my heart sank. It was the cat from the week before. I waited until the boys left and called the number on the flyer. I told the boys' parents what i had seen. They were lucky that someone who had seen the cat, had also seen the flyer. This morning, on my way to work, I saw another cat, this one a dark calico. It was in the middle of the street, also dead, also without a collar. Maybe I'll see a flyer soon, maybe not. The point is I don't want to see another cat. A lot of people believe a cat is happier if it gets to go outside. But I'd argue that if a cat has never been outside, it would never know the difference. Also, I have 7 cats along with other animals, and they have never been outside, and they are completely content. So these are my arguments for why cats belong indoors, for their own safety.

Reason #1: Vehicles.

As stated above, a lot of times cats that are hit by cars are never seen or heard from again by their owners. It takes luck for them to find out. A cat that is hit by a car is usually either, continuously hit by many cars until it is no longer recognizable as a cat, or it is knocked to the side of the road where it is picked up eventually by the city. But it could be worse. I hate to get too gruesome, but I've heard of this happening. Sometimes a cat gets hit during a snowstorm. I know nobody wants to imagine their cat being plowed away.

Reason #2. Weather. For some reason i can't understand, people seem to think cats can survive in any weather. And for the most part, they do. Cats that know the neighborhood well, are able to find hiding places to keep warm in the cold weather. But THEY ARE NOT IMMUNE TO COLD! Leaving a cat out in the winter is cruel. Do you think at 3 in the morning you are going to hear the cat at the door? Because it's left it's hiding spot to find warmer shelter? Yes a cat has a coat. But would you like to be left outside in 5 degree weather with a coat on for the night?

Reason #3. Predators. Cats are intelligent, resourceful creatures. But when a cat is faced with another animal, who hunts in order to survive, the cat's chances of out-running or defending itself against the predator are not very good. It also doesn't need to be a "hunter" that attacks the cat. The cat could come up against a rabid raccoon, which brings me to my next reason.

Reason #4. Disease. If you keep your cat an indoor cat, you control it's environment, and you know what environmental factors could get it sick. When your cat goes outside it could be exposed to many diseases or toxins, and you wouldn't have a clue what was wrong with it when it came home. Lime disease, feline aids, rabies, or maybe it laps up some coolant from under your car. Also, if you've never had fleas, let me tell you, that it makes you absolutely hate to even go into your own house.

Reason # 5. Thieves. Yes believe it or not, there are people out there who will take your cat. For whatever reason. Maybe your neighbor got sick of the cat going into the flower garden, so it catches the cat and calls animal control. Maybe someone else just lost their cat and can't afford a new one for their little girl or boy. Or worst of all, every year around halloween, MANY black cats go missing. Many stores and shelters no longer have black cats available in October. There are so called "religions" that believe they have to sacrifice a black cat on halloween, or more realistically, sickos looking for an excuse.